


Teething Blues

by zerotransfat



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: 10/10 dads agree vampiric powers make parenting marginally easier, Being a kid in a castle is great even if it is an eldritch castle, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Growing Up, Humor, Lisa has it hard as a mom, Married Couple, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Slightly undermined by your children having those same powers, Two minutes of Lisa content is decidedly Not Enough™ Netflix, You get to hide with the gargoyles until your dad has to fly up himself to get you down
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-03 16:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11535945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerotransfat/pseuds/zerotransfat
Summary: In which a family can be a vampire, a doctor, and their tiny dhampir son. Snapshots of the Tepes as little Adrian is born and then grows up.(Alucard as a child isveryenergetic. Lisa and Dracula hope daily that sometime down the line he could settle down and just go the fuck to sleep already. Luckily, they can take turns—benefits of having drastically different bedtimes.)





	1. Stage One: PANIC

**Author's Note:**

> Me, coming to the Castlevania tag: the floor is family fluff and love  
> Me, immediately afterwards: lying spread eagle, face down into the linoleum

Lisa, being Lisa, sometimes didn't pay attention very much to the exact condition of her body—sometimes even leading to even Vlad worrying about how little she was eating—so it was Vlad who first noticed it.

All the while she was descending the stairs of the cottage on her way to the dining room that morning for breakfast (a late dinner, for the more nocturnal members of the household) Lisa was more concerned with the chemical composition of the new antiseptic she was developing to reduce surgery fatalities; that was why Lisa didn't notice at first when Vlad stiffened as she walked into the room.

She did kind of notice when her husband inhaled a little deeper and then promptly started choking on the mouthful of blood he was drinking.

She _definitely_ noticed when Vlad started panicking and summoning minions from Hell (he had _promised_ her he wouldn't do that at the dining table anymore, the liar) and bossing them around with a sort of barely hidden primal fear in his eyes even as eldritch beings from the abyss scrambled to do his bidding. Lisa stood there, a confused eye of the storm, as demonic servants rushed all around, packing furiously as Vlad barked orders at the top of his lungs.

"Echidna! I want you here, now! Take Lisa back to the castle!" A female demon appeared in a puff of smoke and bowed frantically before taking Lisa by the elbow and tried to usher her off. "Come along, my lady."

At that moment, Lisa snapped out of her daze. She stood stock still in the middle of her own dining room gone mad and took a deep breath. For a moment, the only sound was the noise of rushed whispering, thumping furniture, and Vlad's voice, shouting.

And then—

_“WHAT IS GOING ON?!”_

 

* * *

 

Later, Old Woman Ioana said she heard the scream all the way from Lisa’s cottage to her own hut from the hillside almost to the creek.

 

* * *

 

By the time everyone’s ears stopped ringing, Lisa had somehow managed to corral the crowd of demons and her husband into mostly orderly seated positions. She turned fierce blue eyes onto Vlad, arms akimbo. _“Vlad._ You have some explaining to do. What is with the sudden panic?”

Vlad Dracula Tepes (nicknamed the Impaler, feared Lord of Darkness and Vampire Lord of Wallachia) turned even a bit paler than his usual shade of undead pallor under the unimpressed gaze of his wife. “Uh,” he said, eloquently. The height of class. “You—do not know? About…” He gestured at her entire body sheepishly, which really just made her raise a single eyebrow, more unimpressed than ever.

“M-my lord. Have—have you even told her?” Said a demon that looked like a cross between a gargoyle and a man-sized hairless bat. He flinched when Vlad turned his blood-red glare onto him. 

“Vlad. What. Are. You. Not telling me.” Lisa said.

“Uh,” Vlad said again. “Do you think it’s going to be a son or a daughter?”

All around them, the various minions from Hell judged it somewhat safe to offer their congratulations, and soon Lisa just stood there numbly as demon after demon wished her a healthy child.

“Well,” she heard herself saying. “If we’re going back to the castle, then at least remember to pack the crib my grandmother left me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because!!!!! Two minutes of Lisa content is Not Enough™!!!!!!!!!! I get to see Dracula fall arse over teakettle in love with Lisa which is decidedly Good Content™ but!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where is my family fluff!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> PS: I've been volunteering at a daycare for the last three weeks so get ready for some shenanigans I'll make Adrian get into
> 
> PPS: (Also, we all know that Dracula can't say no to Lisa. Like, at all. Motherfucker talked two minutes to the lady and fell?????? In love?????????)
> 
> PPPS: Ya got that right the title is a fuckin fang joke im a loser with a shit sense of humor


	2. Stage Two: Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa and Vlad move back into the castle, which can barely contain its excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, banging pots and pans together: DRACULA FEELING TENDER EMOTIONS DRACULA FEELING  
> You, downstairs and covering your ears with a pillow: its 3AM  
> Me, banging louder: T E N D E R E M O T I ON S

The first thing one had to remember about the castle was that it was a reflection of the heart of its master and would, as such, change its shape to suit the heart’s current state. What it felt right now was a sense of excitement with elation mixed with _sheer, utter terror_. The combination of the two coalesced into a heady concoction of overprotective feelings that even mother bears would be impressed by, and then multiplied greatly by the fact that it was an eldritch castle of terrible power with the ability to do something about those feelings.

And so, as soon as Lisa walked through the doors she had once banged on to gain entry, the castle was immediately conspiring to take care of her in all matters. In fact, it had even made up its mind to make _absolutely sure_ Lisa was _entirely safe, and unstressed._ Because, after all, stress was bad for the baby.

“ _Vlad!_ Your bloody castle is carrying me everywhere!” Lisa yelled from the top of the soft bed that had mysteriously appeared right under her as soon as she crossed the threshold and it was currently moving carefully up the grand main stairs. Whenever she tried to move off the soft quilts, one of the servants or the castle itself would push her back in place with a well-placed nudge. Vlad, still busy with coordinating a horde of panicking subordinates, absentmindedly shouted back. “I do hope it is a bloody castle, since it is _my_ castle. In case you haven't noticed, my love, I am a vampire. If it is not bloody, then whose house is this?”

Lisa will not scream with frustration. She will _not_.

 

* * *

 

Lisa muffled her scream of frustration into the cushion.

“Vlad, she was in the bathroom, trying to bathe me like a newborn babe. I am literally less than a _month_ into my pregnancy. I would like to savour my momentary independence before my ankles swell! And your castle refuses to let me go anywhere! I just wanted to make a cup of tea in the kitchen and your castle won't let me near the stove, or even out into the castle grounds beyond the garden!”

The vampire lord only sighed and set aside the book he was mindlessly skimming through onto the table. He turned around to look Lisa in the eyes. "Lisa, please. Echidna is just trying to help. And while I love your independence, it is..not safe, for you to be outside the castle too much." 

She pursed her lips.  “My heart, why on earth are you so nervous about this?” Lisa reached up and gently brushed at her husband's face, frowning in concern at the crease in his brow that was growing deeper every second. His eyes stared at her for long moments, as if unsure how to proceed. She could be patient.

Finally, Vlad seemed to find the words. “In all my long years, this…you, and this, this is something I never thought I would ever experience. Fatherhood.” The single word was said with both reverence and fear. “My body is dead, unchanging—there should have been no way I could have contributed in _creation_.In making _life_.” Gently, ever so gently, he settled a hand over her stomach; no swell could be felt there yet, but it was only a matter of time. “But here we are. Here _you_ are. You are…” 

Lisa paused, then smiled. “You fear the risks.”

“As anyone of my position would. I have enemies plenty, Lisa, gained through centuries of life. They do not just go away when I wish them to. And—this state of almost irrational fear—I am afraid, my dear, of my enemies targeting you. And this child—what if they inherit the curse of my immortality, that dark loneliness through the ages, as a result of their heritage? What if I cannot care for them correctly? As I said, creation is not something of my domain. Fatherhood is not in my _blood_ , not like most mortal men.” Vlad ran a hand through his dark hair, his expression still worried. Lisa just looked at the man she loved so much and felt emotion swell in her. Gently, she put a hand over her husband’s own cooler one.

“Dear, I believe you have mistaken something. When you said fatherhood is not in your blood—Vlad, fatherhood is not in anyone’s blood. Fatherhood is a matter of love, and love is a matter of _heart_. Blood has nothing to do with it, and from what I can see your heart loves so much if you are this fearful for both our child and me. Therefore, my love, you are doing very well as a father so far. As for risks...” Lisa reached up to brush a lock of hair that had fallen onto his face. "There is risk in everything. That is the price of existence, that is the price of being  _alive._ If we never took risks, then I would not be here. After all, I was the one who banged on the castle door while you still had dessicated corpses stuck on stakes outside. As such, you owe me some _very_ long walks together, my love. I cannot be cooped up inside for the entirety of my pregnancy." 

She leaned her head onto his shoulder as he sighed, knowing that he could feel her warmth, and in return Vlad put an arm around her.

"Dear heart," he whispered. "You never answered my question, from before. Do you think it is a son or a daughter?"

"Whichever gender they may be, I'm sure they will grow up well. As long as we both love them very much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first it was humor and then suddenly Dracula was feeling emotions and this turned into sap, the romance tag is here for a reason
> 
> Underneath the dark powers and deadly exterior Dracula is a soft boy, super soft, I still cant get over the fact that underneath he is a tender mess, also he's called Lisa so many sappy nicknames in the last 600 words, i cant believe this shit, wait til he actually meets Adrian 500000% increase in softness
> 
> Lisa is the only reasonable being in this goddamn castle, does she have to be the only person with common sense around here jfc (but then again this castle has meat in the walls so)
> 
> (Also sorry for the late update my daycare volunteering has been.......hectic)


	3. Stage Three: Enter Adrian and Vlad's Impending Panic Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrian is born. Lisa is tired. Vlad almost has a nervous breakdown, tries to run away, gets dragged by DEATH, and reveals his horrid naming skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Discworld for the characterization of Death, GNU Terry Pratchett
> 
> Yeah this Death is...essentially just Discworld Death, I've even quoted that Death directly
> 
> Vlad you're a fucking mess

Death frowned (as much as a being with only unchanging bone structure as a face can frown, anyway) at the vampire drinking tea across from him. In front of the skeletal being there was another teacup, still full of fresh tea. He didn’t make a move to sip at it, instead focusing on his friend’s issues, which was something a good friend should do in a time of need.

And from the way Dracula was gripping the teacup, threatening to spill tea everywhere every time he tried to drink tea, it was pretty clear that this was in fact a time of _extreme_ need.

VLAD, WHY ARE YOU NOT WITH YOUR WIFE? The Grim Reaper asked.

“I cannot be. Lisa shooed me away as soon as her labour started. She told me to ‘control my bloody castle’, as she put it.” The vampire fiddled with the teacup and then put it down again. The saucer rattled more than it should when he did.

AH. Death paused and looked around the room as various items of furniture also rattled more than they should; outside, various servants could be heard screeching in panic as they tried to save priceless artifacts from tumbling to the floor. EMPATHIC CASTLE. WHAT A MESS.

Vlad made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat even as he saved the teapot from slipping off its tray and crashing onto the ground. Outside, a demon maid was shouting “Harold, _Harold!_ Go get the bucket, it caught on fire again!”

Death did not pay attention to the chaos; it merely continued watching as Vlad took a few deep breaths to calm down. The two of them sat there in awkward silence before the vampire spoke up again. “Death, I do have a question for you that I’ve wondered about for quite some time now. You are, in all senses of the word, a skeleton. You don't need to eat or drink—in fact, it would just fall through your ribs. So why are you drinking tea?”

Death snapped his bony fingers and the cold tea in his cup disappeared. He reached out to the teapot and poured himself a fresh hot cup.

I LIKE THE SMELL.

“…Old friend, _you do not have a nose._ ”

NONETHELESS, said the skeleton. 

Vlad thought about it, shrugged, and then took another quaff of his tea, draining it in one go. “I do apologize, for unloading my worries onto you this fine night. I must look a real sight, completely unfit for polite company. It is just…Lisa is on the other end of the castle and I cannot even pace in front of her door like I want to at the moment.”

YOU DON’T SEE PEOPLE AT THEIR BEST IN THIS JOB, said Death. AND THERE IS NO NEED TO FEAR ME AT HER BEDSIDE TONIGHT. IT IS NOT HER TIME. NOT YET.

“And that is another thing I am worried about. The fact that eventually, you will come for her should she choose to continue on like this.” Vlad fiddled with his teacup. “She is still human. Still _fragile_.”

BUT SHE WILL CHOOSE HUMANITY OVER ETERNITY, Death mused knowingly, FOR ALL THAT IT IS A HUMAN CONCEPT, ETERNITY. ITS ALWAYS ONE OR THE OTHER, REALLY.

“I can convince her. One day, I will finally convince her.” 

WELL OLD FRIEND, I CAN AT LEAST SAY THAT YOU STILL HAVE TIME BEFORE THE POINT OF NO RETURN. Death brushed at his robes and made to stand up to leave. SHE WILL HAVE BUT ONE ENCOUNTER WITH ME. 

“And what of me, old friend? You turn up every week for tea anyway.”

YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. I TURN UP ONLY ONCE.

Vlad’s hearing pricked up—somewhere in the dark of the night, a thin warbling cry echoed through the castle; although not very loud its tone was so clear it seemed drown out all other sound.

OLD FRIEND, IT IS TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC. If Death had an actual face, it would be set in a reassuring and yet shit-eating grin. GO MEET THE YOUNG MASTER. THEY ARE WAITING.

Vlad Dracula Tepes (nicknamed the Impaler, feared Prince of Darkness and Vampire Lord of Wallachia) paled and instantly tried to go the wrong direction from Lisa’s wing of the castle. “P-perhaps I should give them some room to recover,” said the Dragon of the Night as he tried to walk very fast the other way.

If any servants had been in the hallway they would have seen a skeleton drag their lord and master by the collar to the other wing of the castle, but luckily for them they were all busy with furniture that shook and jumped about as if in a devastating earthquake.

 

* * *

 

“It’s not that hard, husband dear. Just hold him.” Lisa said, her face still sweaty and flushed. The nursemaid bustled around them, fixing up the last bits and ends of the room before bowing and beating a hasty retreat to give them privacy.

Vlad stood at the foot of the bed, painfully nervous. “Lisa, I’ve met him for all of two minutes and you’re asking me to hold him?” He said, and his wife just looked at him incredulously.

“Vlad, honey. Dear. This is your _son_. Of course you’re going to hold him!”

“I don’t know _how_ to hold babies Lisa, it’s not like I ever learned! What if I drop him?! I don’t know how to hold a baby!” But even so, his arms were outstretched towards the two of them, and when Lisa passed the precious bundle in her arms to her husband she could feel the trembling of his arms.

Arms that were completely stiff even as he held his son. In fact, his entire body looked petrified as the baby fussed a little at the uncomfortable hold.

Despite her exhaustion, Lisa couldn't help but laugh. “Love, you’re holding him like a sack of flour. One hand along his spine dear, his neck isn’t strong enough to support his head yet.” She gently nudged Vlad’s arms and slid them into a better position, and their son stopped fussing as much. She watched Vlad’s face as he stared at the little life in his arms, the little life he had helped to create; she watched as his eyes went soft as he stared down at their son.

“He has your hair,” he mumbled, awed. “And the shape of your eyes.”

“You can’t see it under all this baby fat but mark my words, when our boy grows up he’ll have cheekbones sharp enough to cut glass.” Lisa said dryly. “He gets _that_ from you.”

Vlad cautiously dangled one finger above the baby and watched with bated breath as tiny fingers reached up to grasp at it. “A strong grip. That’s…good.”

“What are we going to name him?”

“I thought about some names and…does Florentin sound good to you?”

Lisa stared at Vlad and then stared at their son. “He doesn’t look like a Florentin,” she said. “And you are now prohibited from here on out and forever more to name any of our children.”

“Lisa!”

“Nope, nada, not a single word more from you, _Florentin._ You have lost the right for all eternity.” Lisa shook her head in faux disgust. “We’re naming him Adrian.”

“But Florentin is a perfectly fine—”

_“We are naming him Adrian.”_

“Yes dear.” Vlad said.

Just then, still in Vlad’s hold, little newly-named Adrian stretched his mouth in his first ever yawn, exposing two tiny little pearly canines.

_Wait._ Lisa looked again. _Those are not canines._

Without further ado, he tried to latch on with his tiny little fangs to Vlad’s finger.

“Well, he _definitely_ got that from you,” Lisa said, and idly worried if they had enough teething toys in store for when that time came.

“Lisa, please help me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS TIME FOR THE TEETHING JOKE TO PAY OFF
> 
> Lisa has to deal with so much bullshit from her husband
> 
> My favourite part to write for this entire chapter is still Death, because god I love Discworld. 
> 
> Again, Vlad is a fucking hot mess that's just soft on the inside, so soft, but he's also hopeless when it comes to babies, the fucker is an immortal and doesnt know how to hold a fuckin baby


	4. Stage Four: Bedtime Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Adrian plays an impromptu game of hide-and-seek. Lisa is exasperated and Vlad shows off in the unique ways only a vampire dad can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is so lat e and short but I'm super exhausted
> 
> As you can imagine, looking after actual kids make me as tired as Lisa is in this chapter

Statistically, most parents lose about a thousand hours of sleep by the time their child is two years old.

Statistically, most families were not the Tepes family.

 

* * *

 

Adrian Farenheights Tepes was a extremely well-behaved child in all manners and aspects, downright cherubic even if he was literally the spawn of Dracula; he didn’t cry or fuss too much, he didn't pull at hair or other loose bits of whoever held him (the three Gorgons were very appreciative of that fact and doted on their young master with every opportunity, along with a rotating roster of succubus babysitters who also doted), he didn’t tip things over on arbitrary whims too much, to the relief of various servants around the castle.

Adrian was so well-behaved that he even ate his veggies and drank his Type AB Positive blood like he was supposed to, and didn't make faces at the unappetizing texture.

(“Are you sure he is my son?” Vlad winced at his own cup of Type AB. “The antibodies make it taste…strong.”

“Shush up and drink your AB, how old are you again, Mr I’m-An-Immortal-Dark-Lord? And antibodies are good for you,” Lisa snarked back.)

But if there was one thing, just one thing that kept Lisa up during nights and Vlad up during days, it was that Adrian just did _not_ want to go to bed when it was bedtime. _Ever._

Perhaps it was that he never saw both of his parents go to bed at the same time; in his young mind it seemed to boil down to _well, Papa and/or Mama isn’t sleeping so it’s perfectly reasonable that I don't have to sleep right now either!_ It absolutely drove his parents up the wall, especially when their toddler figured out how to shapeshift _._ And _fly._

“Have you seen Adrian anywhere dear? He went missing on me again.” Lisa said worriedly as she checked under the tablecloth, just in case he was hiding behind the reading room desk.

Vlad sighed and put down his book. “Oh, not again. Did he figure out how to get past the skeletons on the ledges?”

“Well, I checked all along the first floor and the Gorgon sisters checked all along the second and we couldn't find him at all, so he must have figured it out and is somewhere all of us can’t reach. The poor boomerang skeletons are so distraught at the thought that he just dashed his way through without any of them noticing.” Lisa sighed before collapsing into a soft armchair. “I’m _exhausted._ At this rate, we’ll never get him into bed before it gets dark. Please Vlad, have mercy on me and go look for him?”

So here was Vlad Dracula Tepes (nicknamed the Impaler, feared Prince of Darkness, Vampire Lord of Wallachia, and the very exasperated father of a two-year-old son) walking through the corridors of his own home, searching for his wayward child who just did not want to go to bed.

With his sharp senses, he heard just the tiniest bit of shuffling on the topmost ledge of the hallway he was searching, near the carven stone gargoyles near the ceiling. There was the sound of rustling, the impression of little nails shifting just slightly on stone. Vlad paused, and smiled.

“Adrian! Son, are you playing hide-and-seek so late in the day? Your mother is looking for you. You should have been abed since an hour ago!” Vlad called into the corridor. There was more shuffling.

And then, a twitch caught his eye. Vlad saw, and immediately tried not to burst out laughing.

Behind the last gargoyle on the ledge, something poked out from behind it.

His son had forgotten about his tail again.

With silent mirth, Vlad burst into a cloud of bats and fluttered his way upwards, to the sound of his son’s delighted and shocked yelping. With a deft movement, he swirled and reformed behind Adrian and caught him up in a hug. The wolf pup in his arms twisted and transformed back into a little blond boy in a slightly dusty white nightgown, giggling and shoving playfully at his father's arms.

“Well son, I’ve got you now!” Adrian shrieked with laughter as he flew down in a rush of shadow, and shied away in exasperated amusement as he took the opportunity to peck his small cheek with kisses.

“Father! I’m too big for that now!” The little dhampir squirmed and wriggled in his father’s grasp. Just to be contrary, Vlad swung his son in a wide circle before putting him down.

“Too big or not, it is past time for bed. Come along now, we shan’t make your mother wait any longer. If you stay on your good behaviour, I shall also read some of the Greek myths you like so much.” Adrian pouted adorably, but didn’t protest and held Vlad’s hand all the way to his room.

When they got there, his son took one look at Lisa, who had her arms akimbo and one eyebrow raised, and made a beeline to the bathroom. Lisa could only sigh. “Remember to brush your teeth, and be sure to clean around your fangs! Where did you find him?” She said as she laid out fresh nightclothes on Adrian’s bed.

“Near the ceiling, behind one of the gargoyles.” 

“Goodness, I'm glad I had another nightgown ready. Is it too much to ask for Adrian to go to bed at a reasonable time?” His wife quietly despaired, and Vlad could only pat her reassuringly on the shoulder.

 

* * *

 

“Now, son. Which one did you want again?” Vlad said, flipping through the aged pages of the leather bound storybook in his hands.

“Psyche! I want to hear about Psyche again!” Adrian practically vibrated in his seat under the covers. His father smiled indulgently and flipped to the well-worn passage.

“Again? You truly love that story. And speaking of love, this is the story of how Love and the Soul came together…”

Before long, his son’s eyelids drooped lower and lower, and soon he was fast asleep even before Vlad had reached the part about Psyche gathering the golden wool stuck in brambles. With quiet, practiced movements, Vlad gently tucked the blankets around him and left the bedroom, the door silently clicking shut behind him with a single gesture.

He made his way to the library, ready to finally have a nice evening chat with his wife, but by the time he got there Lisa had already fallen asleep as well on the soft couch before the fireplace, her blond hair splayed across the cushions. He could only sigh in exasperated amusement, and gently tucked a blanket around her as well.

The moon was in beautiful form tonight (even if it was about to set again to give way to dawn), and here with Lisa lightly snoozing beside him it was the perfect time to pick up the alchemy volume he had been reading and spend a wonderful early morning.

Life…life was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOOD DAD VLAD!!!!!!!! GOOD DAD VLAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Joys of the Parenthood - The Țepeș Edition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13369647) by [Nordra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nordra/pseuds/Nordra)




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